Napoleon's Ninja Skills
by itlookslikerain
Summary: What may very well be the very first Naruto/ Napoleon Dynamite xover! Dancing w/ lafawnduh, getting beat up by uncle Rico, Pedro's perfect Japanese. Will poor hatake kakashi be stuck in idaho forever?


This is so random.

Yay! And you thought all I did was write big long depressing fics! Well ha! Ha in your face! This is my first stupid-fic so please rate!

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Kakashi sensei looked in the mirror, his sharingan twitching now more than ever, he covered it and uncovered it. He pressed his cold palm deep into the socket, trying to calm it, to no avail. It was if it wanted to get out. Just like it had been when Rin had first transplanted it, long before he ever developed Mangekyo or even was able to effectively control the eye itself. Back then if he was fatigued, well, sometimes it would twitch and he would loose control of it. Not exactly anything to be proud of but something that was worrying him more now in the past few weeks. The eye mockingly twitched at him again, swirling and making everything go out of focus, into hyper detail. He held it again. Maybe it was the insomnia, or the extra stress he was feeling as a result of Jiraiya's death. Something had to be triggering it, making him loose control. He pulled his hand down his face in exasperation to expose the eye, allowing him to make eye contact with his own reflection. He sighed. He stares at the blood red iris analytically. The black pinwheel, the black pinwheel that is starting to whorl menacingly, that is beginning to stretch into the distinctive Mangekyo pinwheel. Kakashi reels back knocking himself out of the chair. The Sharingan is sucking chakra from him like wild! And to his alarm his arms are suddenly numb! He can't move his arms, he can't even blink. Inside of himself Kakashi fights back, but the eye is too strong. "Traitor!" is all he can think. And because of the reflection the warp appears directly in his abdomen pulling him away into nothingness. "Bastard!" screams Kakashi within his mind. But now he's too tired to care, "Well, I didn't think I'd die like this," he whispers in his head. Then he's too tired to think, as he looses himself in darkness, his body twists into the pinpoint of air, leaving nothing behind.

***

"Gosh, how many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my packages!" Napoleon mouth breathed. "Nuh-uh Napoleon" sighed Kip, the hairs on his upper lip quivering, "It said Mr. Dynamite. You know I've been waiting for my sweet bling to come the mail for like... ever." "No way, this is authentic Ninja head-gear!" Napoleon reverently rubs his hand over the Leaf sign, "it is not bling." Kip opens his mouth and glances to the side, "Yeah, well it looks like bling." Napoleon lurches forward in disgust, "Ugh, you are such a frickin idiot!" then quickly turns back to face his brother, "I got a ninja head band so I could summon a real ninja to teach me how to do real ninja summons. I mean it's pretty obvious." Kip blinks craning back, "I'm just saying that you better get over it, because I'm moving in with lafawnduh next week," he rubs his nose, "and Uncle Rico isn't gonna take this kind of crap." Napoleon half licks his lip, "Uncle Rico's just jealous because I'm gonna have awesome ninja skills." "Uncle Rico isn't jealous of your stupid almine shows," sneers kip. "It's called Anime, retard! You're so retarded!" and Napoleon runs off.

Once he is in his room Napoleon feels lots better. Turning to the mirror he checks himself out while wearing his ninja headband, which looks pretty awesome. Now he looks like a real ninja, which is pretty frickin sweet. But he does need to learn some killer ninja summons. "Fushigi Mahou Mangekyo Koko ni kinasai. " breath-moans Napoleon doing some mainly random hand motions. Napoleon closes his eyes and kinda lets his head sag down, "Gah," he sighs with disappointment, "I'm such an idiot." Because his eyes are closed, he only hears the thud as Kakashi hits the floor. Of course Napoleon is kind of dazed, his eyes get kinda wide for a second, he pumps his fist, "Yessss." He run-walks from the room, headed for the phone, figuring the ninja can just sorta hang out on the floor. Because the carpet, is like super plush, "Gotta call Pedro... and Deb."

Napoleon ushers Deb and Pedro into his room, "Well I didn't say what it was because I didn't think you'd get it unless I showed you." He pauses lazily,"its pretty flippin sweet though." Pedro's eyes search Napoleon tiredly, but not without interest "Did you make another ant fort out peanuts?" his accented words crawling out toward Napoleon. Napoleon sighs again, "No, but that was pretty sweet." "Yeah." agrees Pedro. Napoleon opens his bedroom door and stalks in pointing at the corner of the room, under a shelved troll collection, "Yeah he's over here." Deb gasps girlishly, eyes widening drastically, "Oh! Is he... is he...dead?"Napoleon just shakes his head, "No. But he's like, really tired, I've been trying to wake him up like all yesterday." Deb purses her lips, bright blue eyes still wide, now blinking profusely, "He's been here since Saturday?!" Pedro kneels beside the body, which is awkwardly face down, "Maybe if we put candles by his head and pray to the virgin, he will stop napping." Deb is still blinking, shrugging and looking down at her shoes, her eyes dart to Napoleon,"Where is he from?" Napoleon just shrugs, as if this were a completely normal situation, "I don't know, I did this awesome ninja summon and he just like appeared on the floor." "Do you think he's a robber, maybe you should call the cops," Deb continues to fidget. "No way! Are you crazy?" Napoleon breathes, "If we hand him over to the po-po they'll deport him." Pedro continues to cock his head a she examines the body, "Maybe if we get some sticks, like really nice ones, we could poke him." "Just use my badminton racket, its really sturdy, its made out of wicker." Napoleon pulls out a thin, disturbing, case decorated with tiny drawn centaurs... playing badminton. Deb lip smiles,"Wow Napoleon those are really nice." Napoleon extracts one racket for Pedro and hands the other one to Deb, "Yeah I know, my cousin got them custom made for me in Wisconsin,"

Pedro lightly prods the body with the racket, mostly cautious.

"Yeah," Deb bites her lip, "Be gentle."

When Kakashi awakens to carpet fuzz lodged in his mouth, he coughs and spits.

"Ahh!" Deb squeaks, as the floor-figure gropes along the side of Napoleon's Bed. Napoleon reaches for his sweetest Nun-Chucks, "Oh crap, Pedro, is he ticked?" Pedro has given Kakashi a little room,"I don't think so."

Kakashi is dizzy but to his surprise he isn't weak, then he stagers to his feet and starts to rub his eyes. In this world his strength must have replenished more quickly. He struggles to make out the three figures, unsure whether to attack. He knows he must be in a house, but the light is blinding. He blinks around hopefully.

"Yessss" Napoleon pumps his fist. Deb just sighs with relief, "Oh good he is alive." "No, its not that," Napoleon slowly pronounces. Pedro scowls, "You don't want him alive??" "No, I mean yeah, um yeah thats good too," Napoleon sighs, "Its just that I totally know him and he's like super talented. I'm gonna have superior Ninja Skills in no time." Deb calms down considerably, "Oh. How do you know him," she asks brightly. Napoleon hunts briefly around the room finally settling on a thick but worn magazine he spies under the corner of the bed, "It's called Shonen jump, it's pretty awesome." Pedro gazes straight through Napoleon, confused, "You know him from a comic book?" Napoleon lurches to the side,"Its called Manga, and he's right here." Deb leans in over the volume so that her sideways pony tail pokes Napoleon in the face, "His name is Hat ache?" "Hatake," Corrects Napoleon, "and that's his last name. His name is Kakashi, and he's got some killer skills." Deb starts to fret again, "That can't be right Napoleon." Napoleon looks up from the page that matches the man perfectly, "Just look at him." Pedro leans in too, "That guy looks like the guy in the comic book, Deb." Deb is almost panicked, "Yeah but, that... that's impossible." Napoleon is still analyzing him, "He looks really authentic." Napoleon cranes his neck to talk to Deb, "I guess I'm just really good. Thats the biggest guy I've ever summoned. "

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please review and critique, this was a lot of fun to write and I do have an initial idea of where I'm going with it but I want your input too, give me some ideas or tell me what you want Hatake Kakashi to do whilst he is here! :D


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